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Turning troubles into dreams
Deacon Friend hopes his spiritual journey inspires others
By Lori Lesko
GARFIELD HEIGHTS-When Rev. Mr. Shelby M. Friend was ordained deacon by Bishop Anthony Pilla in 1994, he realized his mother’s dream for a preacher son, and remembered his father’s wise words during the family’s tough times: “Trouble don’t last always, son.”
Photo By WILLIAM RIETER
Deacon Shelby Friend chats with some young people before Mass at Holy Spirit Parish, Garfield Heights. With a new book out and a passion for helping youth, Deacon Friend hopes his life story will inspire today’s youth to never give up their dreams or their faith in God.
Deacon Friend of Holy Spirit Church, Garfield Heights, used his father’s favorite phrase to title his book, published in September 2008. “Trouble Don’t Last Always” is a memoir about life growing up black in the segregated South, traveling the hard road along his spiritual journey from bigotry and poverty, to life as a combat soldier in Vietnam, tending bar in Cleveland, converting to Catholicism in 1984 and discovering his religious vocation.
“This book is not about race or how some poor black boy did well,” Deacon Friend said. “Neither is it a story depicting God as some kind of a dealmaker who’ll give us anything we ask if we are willing to worship and follow Him.
“This is the story of how I weathered the storms of troubled times ¼ and how surviving those troubled times broadened my faith and made me the strong leader and father I am today ¼ and brought about my spiritual transformation that would change my life forever,” said Friend, husband to Maxine and the father of three grown children and grandfather of six.
“I wrote this book to share with others how God brought me through the good and bad days of life, despite myself, ¼ and inspire others who are facing difficult times,” he said. “God is always with us and will help us get through.”
Born June 22, 1948, the fourth of Jerry and Beatrice Friend’s six children, young Shelby grew up in eastern Tennessee where his father was a chef and his mother a maid at the old Bertram Hotel. The family lived in an apartment built on a parking lot behind the hotel. The Friend children were not allowed to set foot in the “Whites Only” hotel.
“Throughout our lives, my parents instilled in us God, values and education,” Deacon Friend said. “They used to say that God never gives you more than you can bear.”
Yet, it sometimes seemed that God allowed the family to bear a very heavy burden especially when Jerry Friend, suffering from diabetes, went blind and died a few years later when Shelby was just 17. His mother endured breast cancer and a subsequent mastectomy. Yet, the family stayed together even after being evicted from their home by their landlord and employer.
“We then moved to Bulls Gap into a tiny house with only outdoor plumbing,” Deacon Friend joked. “We had a fireplace to keep warm, but we’d wake up in the middle of the night to find five or six rats hovering near the fire trying to stay warm.”
It was Shelby’s job to gather pinecones to stoke the fire.
“Even when both of our parents were in the hospital, we never told anyone about our circumstances and continued taking the school bus to school 18 miles one way,” he said. “We didn’t want social services to come in and split us up.”
When Miss Bea, as his mother was called, recovered, she raised six children on $35 a week, Deacon Friend said.
After graduating from Greenville High School and hanging out on the streets at night, drinking and carousing, in 1968 Friend decided to gain some respect by joining the Army.
“Most of the other guys from big cities like Detroit complained about Army life, but I thought it was great,” he said. “I was excited to get clothes, free food and travel--plus I got paid.”
But Friend soon found himself in the infantry fighting an unseen enemy in the jungles of Vietnam. During one firefight, Friend took a bullet to an arm. As he lay bleeding in a fox hole, he vowed that if God let him live, he would turn his life around--a promise which would take 16 years.
After being discharged with a purple heart for bravery, the 20-year-old ex-soldier came home to no jobs or opportunities. An aunt who lived in Cleveland gave him the chance to come up north for came up north for work.
He soon met Maxine, who attended St. Henry Parish. Raised a southern Methodist, Friend was a bit suspicious of Roman Catholics. But the congregation won him over and he eventually converted to Catholicism--and 10 years later, was ordained.
The deacon decided to write “Trouble Don’t Last Always” in 2006 after retiring from the Veterans Administration as a dietician.
Friend used his book recently as a teaching tool for a workshop held at St. Adalbert Parish for seventh to 12th graders in the Black Catholic Youth organization--and hopes to conduct more on the importance of making good choices in life.
“What I want is for a young African-American boy to go home and tell his mom that he met a author today and he is black and he told us how he made it past adversity,” Deacon Friend said. “I want our kids to see me as a strong, not soft, faith-filled man who does God’s work.”
“Trouble Don’t Last Always”, (AuthorHouse, Sept. 8, 2008) by Deacon Shelby M. Friend of Holy Spirit Church, Garfield Heights, tells the story of an African-American boy growing up in the segregated South, of the racism wrought upon his family, the death of his father, his survival in Vietnam and conversion to Catholicism.
Drawing on his own life experiences, Deacon Friend’s book shows how one’s bad choices affect so many others. He hopes his own spiritual journey will inspire young African-American males, especially, to persevere in the face of poverty, injustice and racism.
Named Book of the Month by the National Black Catholic Congress, “Trouble Don’t Last Always” can be ordered at www.authorhouse.com and is available at Borders, Barnes & Nobles and Amazon.